Day 1 — Describe my personality
I believe it is a hard task to describe one’s personality, especially your own personality. It’s challenging you to get to know yourself better and starting to realize that you have flaws which you need to accept no matter what, it is never a crime to have flaws anyway.
So, speaking of personality, I will start by telling you that my MBTI Type is INFP-T, yes, a mediator. I believe you can imagine how my personality would be. Someone who has INFP-T as their MBTI Type tend to be quiet, open-minded, and imaginative, and they apply a caring and creative approach to everything they do. Most of them are fit to my personality; I am quiet — most of the time, I might be open-minded too — I am not that judgmental and I’d always want to see something from two different perspectives — more like I’m trying to, because the world is not always black or white, they say.
I am not that kind of a person who would voluntarily approach people first, I wouldn’t make the first move — if it’s out first meeting as strangers. If I did, there would be a lot of thoughts in my mind, mostly the negative ones. Is it a social anxiety? I’m not sure, I just don’t have that enough courage to talk first to people, it’s not my specialty. Probably it’s the introvert in me — or I’m just not good at socializing and the lack of public speaking. I am an introvert but sometimes I love to talk to people to regain my energy. When things get overwhelming or too much, I’d prefer to detach myself without saying a thing. I think it’s a bad attitude I need to change little by little.
I would say I am an empath. I can feel what other people feel easily, though I can’t really do anything about it. Like, I know how they feel, I understand. But I don’t have any magic words to make them feel any better beside saying I understand how they feel and it’s valid to feel that way. But at the same time, I always have this urge to make them feel better, it has to be me that makes them feel better. But the more I do it, the more I feel suffocated. Then I learned that it was completely out of my control to make people happy or better. So, I started to learn to draw emotional boundaries between me and other people.
Honestly, I already write a lot about my personality, yet I feel like I don’t even know myself well even when I am already 24 years old now. They say during twenties is the time where we usually experiencing quarter life crisis, and I can’t seem to get the hang of it until now. But one thing for sure is, I need to believe in myself during these tough phases.
The more I get older, the more I realized that I have so many bad personalities as well; when I thought I was getting better. Well, I know that everyone is trying their best to be a better person. But after some kind of moment, I got snapped. I realized that I’m not a kind human-being and I’m still lacking in so many ways; not being considerate, self-centered, greedy, and I always wanted to be understood and I think it’s so selfish. I have to be reminded that the world doesn’t revolve around me, I have to look up to others to be a human. I have to understand others to be a human. I have to socialize to be a human. I have to know how to talk to people to be a human. I have to know how to draw the line to be a human, and so on. There are so many things that I still want to learn to be a human. In conclusion, I’m not a good, kind human, yet. Everyone is trying, and it is okay.
